09 July 2009

The real thing?

As part of my lunch "meal deal" today, I picked up a bottle of 'VitaminWater', manufactured by a company called Glaceau, that writes its label copy in the style of a 16-year-old scally: cheeky gags and irreverent reworkings of standard disclaimers, thumbing a nose to punctuation. In fact, everything that Innocent drinks were doing about 5 years ago, but without the wit.

Their raspberry-apple drink is called "defence" because its vitamin-boosted contents guard the drinker against illness. So, naturally, its label says:

"if you've had to use sick days because you've actually been sick, then you're seriously missing out my friend. The trick is to stay perky and use sick days to just, erm, not go in. don't overdo it on the coughing front the day before you want to take a 'sickie' though. big giveaway. just stick with the ever-elusive "24-hour bug" - no one can prove a thing. just remember not to answer the mobile while shopping when you're supposed to be a spluttering, bedridden wreck. please note: taking a 'sickie' is very, very naughty.

I'm surprised they didn't write the last line as "taking a 'sickie' is proper nawty".

Glaceau is owned by the Coca-Cola Company, an organisation maybe not noted for its enlightened employment policies in the past, but this would seem to be good news for everyone who works for Coke. Apparently your employer has just given you carte blanche not to turn up to work tomorrow. Unless (surely not), it is a cynical marketing ploy to make their new fruit-and-sugar-water seem cool.

According to its label, Glaceau is "the center for responsible hydration" (whatever that means). As opposed to its HR advice.

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