08 November 2006

Never mind the width, feel the quality...

I was trying to work out just what makes Tesco finest* range so absurd. Was it the asterisk that hints at a footnote but never leaves one? Or the implication that, for the rest of their products, Tesco doesn't quite try hard enough? - between finest* and VALUE is the Tesco "Good enough for you" range.

I think the answer is when they try to extend the range beyond Spatchcock and Honeycomb Fricasse into products where only the terminally insecure could feel the need for an over-the-odds quality. Does anyone's chicken taste that much better for having been roasted in Tesco finest* kitchen foil?

The latest such foray sees Tesco finest* Broadband - when only the choicest, plumpest packets of data carefully packaged and sent down the ADSL will do. If I were to go online with Tesco finest* Broadband, I'd expect to be able to notice an improvement in the quality of all online content. Porn sites would be transformed into pages of medieval love ballads written in Pertrachian verse, sci-fi chatrooms would become philosophy forums and this site would seem to have been written by Tolstoy. So if you are viewing this courtesy of Tesco finest* Broadband, I'd ask for my money back.

2 comments:

PW said...

During the fuel protests a few years ago, there was a run on the Finest* range at my local Tesco in south west London. I noted that tins of Value beans and packets of spaghetti were still in plentiful supply on the shelves, but you couldn't get turkey breast roasted in butter and caramelised sugar for love nor money.

The only story that sticks in my mind about Tolstoy is that he wept after being persuaded by his brothers to visit a prostitute. His blog would no doubt be too full of angst for the modern reader's taste.

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